Masturbation, Fellatio, Cunnilingus
This holding or fisting of the penis during masturbation or fellatio as also during fellatio - develops naturally enough from motions of helping the man to become erect, if necessary, by masturbatory gestures at the beginning of the oral act. This is often an assistance, especially when the man feels any nervousness.
The hand which has helped the penis to erection at the beginning of the oral act, by any of the usual titillations of moistened palm or fingertips, is then simply left in place throughout the act, the fist forming a sort of "sword-guard" to prevent too deep an entry into the woman's mouth. If the man feels any shame about the woman's hand helping or holding him in this way, during an act in which he is ostensibly dominating her, he may take pride rather than consolation in the thought that the hand is really necessary to protect the woman from his virile strength and the length of his penis.
In the same way, and for the same reason, the man can also hold his penis in his own fist during oral entry in fellatio, if he is already erect, thus protecting the woman from his thrusts and energy. Whichever of the partners does this, it has the added and very important advantage of striking or causing pressure against the man's mons pubis, by resisting the drive of his hips with the flesh of the enclosing fist.
In oral sex, the woman can hardly accept striking of the man's pubis against her lips and teeth. Pubic pressure or striking of this kind is the normal action for both partners in vaginal intercourse, when violently engaged, the man driving deeply in. His pubis then strikes against the woman's pelvic bones through the flesh and hair of her own pubis, or vulva (or buttocks, in intercourse from behind - see www.sex-techniques-and-positions.com for more information on sex positions- ), thus also exciting and gripping her clitoris in face-to-face sex positions, and in all cases exciting his own passions in a physical way.
This is likewise true during male masturbation, the man sometimes will, if he can, tear the woman's hand away, so that he may enter her mouth and upper throat deeply at his final thrust; or the woman may simply have removed her hand from his penis some time before, and is taking it all orally when the man's orgasm comes. In such situations, the man really appreciates the woman being willing to swallow the semen at the moment of ejaculation.
Sometimes the case that the man must masturbate his own penis, generally by means of his moistened palm rubbing the shaft or rotating on the glans penis, then simply presenting the penis to the woman's vagina or mouth, and pressing inward, when he feels his orgasm approaching. Both these quasi-masturbatory manoeuvres have their use and may be necessary when the woman, for reasons of health, cannot engage in vigorous intercourse or oral sex, but nevertheless very much wants to "satisfy her man."
When it is necessary for the man to be masturbated in part, whether by the woman or by himself, as a preliminary to ejaculation in her vagina or mouth, what he is really trying to do is not so much to arrive at orgasm for his own pleasure, as to prove to the woman, by means of his achieved ejaculation, the validity of her self-image as a woman, and to allow her to express and fulfil the love toward him that makes her wish to act out her sexual role even at such a time.
Women understand, of course, that no man can have an erection at will - see www.end-erectile-dysfunction-now.com for more details about erection problems - and especially not at moments of crisis or anxiety. But women can be hurt by this, if they see it as proof of the undesirability and inadequacy of their own bodies. In the same way, what really hurts a woman in a man's actual impotence is not her sexual starvation, but the insult to her femininity! The penis may be mightier than the sword, but the possession of a penis is sometimes more of a problem than a privilege.
The satisfaction of the woman during the man's erotic satisfaction in oral sex is fortunately not always a problem. Cunnilingus gives emotional pleasure to the man, while the woman receives the specifically genital excitement or satisfaction. In the same way, in fellatio, it is also often possible for the supine man to reach from behind between the buttocks or thighs of the woman, who is perhaps kneeling over him or sitting at his side, facing his knees, and to titillate her clitoris while she fellates him, so that they both may reach orgasm together or thereabouts.
If the man's head and torso are high up over the woman's head, and his hands far from her genitals, he may only be able to reach her breasts, the man's hands being turned to face and grip them, and to play with her nipples. Two positions for oral sex nevertheless exist in which the woman can be very satisfactorily excited genitally by the man, at the same time, and brought to orgasm.
Where the man kneels with the woman kneeling on all fours on her hands and knees facing him, to fellate him, her head and body being turned somewhat to one side; the man can then bend forward at that same side, over the woman's back, to reach her genitals with his hands. This he can do either by reaching up underneath her body, pausing at her breasts, or down from between her thighs in back; or if he has long arms with both hands simultaneously, one from above and behind, and the other from below and in front. He can, in this way, excite her vaginal opening or her clitoris, or both together with his two facing hands, while giving her oral pleasure at the same time.
The woman can seldom engage in any fellatio motions of her head in this position (though she is, of course, quite free to perform any desired manoeuvres of her lips and tongue), for the man's torso and shoulders will generally immobilize her head as he bends over her back to reach her genitals with his hands.
Another sex position, which is in fact one of the most common for irrumation, is that in which the woman lies back on the bed, or sits up partly with her head supported on a pillow. and the man straddles her chest, with his knees supporting him on the bed just under each of the woman's armpits, while he stimulates her. As the man's arms will be halfway up the head of the bed or against the wall. supporting his torso (or he may be pressing against the head of the bed with his chest and shoulders), he cannot reach the woman's genitals with his hands. However, without disturbing the support of his knees under the woman's armpits.
He can - if his legs are long, and her torso rather short - so bring his lower legs and feet diagonally together over her belly, that both his big toes lie between the lips of the woman's vulva, and she can rub herself on these, while he wriggles them helpfully, simultaneously masturbating her.
In a famous Japanese print, a man is shown tickling the genitals of a woman across the table from him, by means of his foot and toe, unseen by the other people at the table with them. This is of course the real meaning and implication of the Western seduction game or technique of under-the-table "footsie," though it is seldom taken so unequivocally far.
Before leaving the subject of the genital excitement of the woman by the man, during irrumation, one other unusual position should be mentioned. In this the woman simply lies on her back across a bed, or at the edge of a sofa or the back seat of an automobile, with her head banging down backwards over the edge, and her mouth open, while the man kneels on the floor before her face and pleasures her - upside-down, as it were.
The man can then easily bend or reach forward to titillate the woman's clitoris and vagina with his fingers, with a complete freedom allowed by almost no other position for masturbation, irrumation or fellatio. On the other hand, there are two real disadvantages to this position, despite its ornamental charm. First, the woman's head hanging downward lower than her shoulders will usually make the blood flow to her head, and she may become giddy, though this will not necessarily stop the bottom edge of the hand generally striking the pubis at every stroke. It is for this reason that many men find - though few ever dare say it aloud - that masturbation was (or is!) more satisfactory to them, in the quality of the orgasm achieved, than the kind of intercourse they usually engage in, which is often far too mild and of superficial vaginal entry.
That is also why the orgasm they achieve in fellatio is not by any means as physically pleasurable and erotically satisfactory as they had expected, and may instead leave them with a feeling of unsatisfied or incomplete ejaculation. Sometimes oral stimulation must therefore be combined with a sort of masturbation of the man. In this, the woman excites the man manually along the shaft of his penis, holding it quite tightly and striking outward or down against his pubis at his every stroke, while the man, for his part, enters her mouth simultaneously only with his glans and the top half or less of his shaft.
At his orgasm in this way the woman's tongue lies along the top side of the man's penis, when inserted in this position, rather than along its more sensitive underside. This is also one of the main objections formulated to mutual, simultaneous oral sex, in the classic position of the "Sixty-Nine."
In another form, the man engages in ordinary vaginal intercourse with the woman, lying on top of her face-to-face; but withdraws just as his orgasm approaches. Instead of ejaculating then against the woman's lower belly, or downward between her thighs - the usual manoeuvres in withdrawal (coitus interruptus) - he rises up over the woman's body, to ejaculate into her mouth at the last moment. In this way he achieves for himself at least a sensation of moist ensheathing of his penis not very different from what would be the sensation during ejaculation inside the vagina.
As it is rather difficult to scramble upward, at such a moment, from the usual face-to-face position in which the man's legs are between those of the woman, this conclusion of vaginal intercourse for birth-control purposes - or when the woman particularly desires to taste and experience the man's ejaculation in this way - is perhaps better undertaken when, at some point during intercourse, the man has removed his legs, one at a time, from between the woman's thighs, which he is then straddling thereafter, ready to rise upward at the end.
Another extremely simple conclusion for vaginal intercourse in the face-to-face, man-superior position, is for the man simply to rise up on his knees when his orgasm approaches, and sit back on his heels. The woman then sits up quickly, pulling on the man's waist, or he pulling on her shoulders to help bring her torso vertical, and she takes the man's penis into her mouth just before the moment of ejaculation.
This manoeuvre can be done very rapidly and flowingly, when the couple have had experience with it together, and it has become part of their ritual, thus allowing the man to continue intercourse almost to the instant of ejaculation. These extra moments of intercourse are often precisely those necessary to bring the woman to her orgasm just before the man. Occasionally the couple will miscalculate the amount of time still remaining before the man's orgasm, and the woman will arrive at the vertical position, accepting the man orally, only to find that the shifting and the delay have broken his rhythm and that he cannot yet ejaculate.
The woman is seldom able, in this sitting position, partly under the man, to make proper fellatory motions of her head; but the man can easily rock both of them back and forth, rubbing his cock on her as he does so, sometimes pitching forward heavily upon her when his orgasm does come.
He should then roll to one side with her, as soon as possible thereafter, to avoid letting her feel suffocated or choked by his penis. It can also happen that the miscalculation is the other way 'round, and that the man has been much closer to his orgasm than either of them thought when he withdrew. In such case, there will often not be time for the woman to accept the intended conclusion, and the man ejaculates upon the woman's breasts or lips, or ejaculate across her face.
Women will often admit that the idea of the semen striking their breasts, body, face or somewhere else, is very exciting. Semen should be swallowed by the oral partner, and any other conclusion to fellatio, such refusal to swallow the semen is always seen as rejection by the man.
Women sometimes express their resistance to fellatio by extreme gag-reflexes at the moment of the man's ejaculation, even though they may not have gagged at all during the driving of the penis deep into the back of the mouth against the palate, when this physiological reflex actually would be more expected.
Women may spit the semen into a handkerchief or a towel, or dash madly into the bathroom to spit the semen into the toilet-bowl or sink.
It does not take much perception on the man's part, under such circumstances, to realize he has been insulted and personally rejected by the woman who refuses to swallow his semen, or who does so with evident bad grace and with gargling sounds of difficulty in getting it down. What woman would feel anything but insulted if a man went through the same, in cunnilingus with her?
However, if the relationship is to continue at all, he must make it perfectly clear to her that spitting out, with manifestations of disgust, the semen that is after all the purest essence of his body and of his manhood, is not an acceptable gesture. By means of a certain restraint, allowing himself, instead, to be fellated by the girl while he remains more or less passive, during their early relationship, it is sometimes possible to help the girl to overcome her notions of disgust and motions of rejection before these become a matter of unpleasant contention between them.
In any case, the man can ask, during an oral sex act, his partner to keep the penis inside her mouth until he has completely ejaculated. Attempting to bring the girl slowly to accept the ejaculation, by starting with incomplete fellatio, shifting to vaginal coitus before ejaculation takes place will seldom have the desired effect in the way fellatio training might do so. Actually, the exactly opposite type of sex - where the man begins with vaginal coitus and ends with oral ejaculation - is a far better sort of training.
The girl being highly excited after protracted intercourse, during which she should of course be brought to orgasm before the man attempts to rise to her mouth, she is not then so likely to refuse to swallow the semen.
And if you are adventurous, you, the woman, suck off your lover, as artistically as you know how, meanwhile postillioning his anus deeply with your finger. He spends, he seizes you and he ejaculates, while you accept deep in your throat every drop of his semen.